wren (jane_deux) wrote,

tipsy is lame again. i feel like crying. pam is taking her to Tuft's on saturday and they are going to do a complete diagnostic series on her, treadmill and u/s and everything. the best part; i dont have to pay! since she's in the lesson program, and THIS bout of lameness started while she was at the school's barn, the school will pay for all of this

but i cannot even be happy about that. i am just so worried about my pony. all i can think about is her being scared and alone in a huge new barn thinking i have abandoned her. it will be over in a week and she will get to come back home, but for that one whole week, i do not want her to be scared but i know she will be. i wish i could tell her what was going on and that she will be coming back to me in the end.

great, now i am crying.

i just love tipsy so much; it is so hard to explain. in my life she has been the one constant, since i was 13. she was there when i was learning how to ride, when i quit riding, when i came back, when i went through a rough spot in high school, when i started college, my first horse show, my first hearbreak... she has been my first responsibility and she really is my best friend. i would sooner lose most human friends than her. and its not like im losing her, but in the back of my mind is the thought 'what if there is something really wrong with her?' 'what if i cannot afford the treatment she needs?' 'what if i have to stop riding her?' it makes my stomach hurt and my chest feel tight.

i spent some time working on my paper for research
i am going to really try to spend 2 hours each night on at least ONE of my papers
school is seriously stressing me out

i havent gone to the gym or done anything active other than riding. part of me wants to just say 'fuck it, be like everyone else and don't care' but then i look in the mirror and think 'keep going fatass!' i'm signing up for spin tomorrow. she always gets my ass motivated!

so yeah--the tl;dr version: pony is lame, school sucks and i'm fat.
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